The Queen City

It’s that time again!  Time for another update on my life haha!  Although keeping up with this blog in a more regular fashion is one of my goals for this year, one of the primary purposes of writing here is to provide updates on my life, so there you go.  Speaking of regular blogging, my friend Anna has been blogging every day for the last month and the posts that she has put out are amazing!  It’s definitely worth your time to head over there and get a dose of her wisdom and insight.

If you have been following this blog for a while you know that I went to Charlotte, North Carolina for a week long worship school with Rita Springer.  You can read about it here if you missed it.  Shortly after I came home from Charlotte I began to want to go back, I kept feeling this tug on my heart that the Lord had something more for me there and I’ve wanted to go find out what that is.  That feeling has only intensified over the last few months as I’ve begun to watch services at MorningStar, lead worship for conferences with MorningStar leaders as the main speakers, meet worship leaders from Charlotte, talk to people from the M* ministry school, meet random people from Charlotte, reconnect with people from DIVE…things keep happening to keep the Queen City on my mind.

For the last several months I’ve wanted to go to the Worship and Warfare Conference at MorningStar at the end of May.  I’ve talked with friends about going to Charotte for the month of May to reconnect with friends from DIVE, hang out at M*, visit my extended family in the area, and get whatever it is that the Lord has for me there.  When it came down to it, and after several conversations with my parents, I decided that I couldn’t go if my financial situation didn’t change.  I’ve had some credit card debt that has been hard to get out from under after my last two trips (DIVE and Israel) being so expensive and so close in time to each other.  I’ve been asking the Lord to provide work and income to help me pay this off…I also asked him to multiply my tax return so that I could use that to pay it off as well.  It never hurts to ask right?!

Walking in faith is an interesting journey.  I want to have billions of dollars in resources for the Kingdom go through my hands during the course of my life and I am not intimidated by money or debt, just sobered by it.  It’s been interesting to discover that though I am full of faith for other people’s finances, it’s been hard to have faith for my own.  I’ve prayed with friends and I’ve seen their school or medical debt reduced by thousands of dollars, more than once.  I’ve believed with people for very specific provision and seen it come in.  But when it comes to asking for myself I hesitate…why is that?  Has the character of God suddenly changed when I’m asking for myself verses someone else?  Is He suddenly less generous or good or loving or wealthy?  No.  It has been amazing to watch the Lord breaking paradigms of who He really is over the last few months with myself and my friends.  He is a good, faithful, kind, loving Father who LOVES giving gifts to His kids.  I’ve watched Him provide over and over for my friend Laura over the last few months as she’s raised money to go to Mozambique, Africa this summer, and now I’ve watched Him provide for me, yet again, in radical ways.

A few weeks ago I realized that I was trying to live in faith while simultaneously trying to guard myself from disappointment in case whatever I was stepping out and believing for didn’t happen – or didn’t happen the way I wanted it to – which really isn’t faith at all.  If I believe that it might not happen then I don’t have faith.  So I decided to release that fear and self protection and to trust the Lord that He had it and knew what was best, and I told Him what I was feeling and gave it all to Him (honestly with God is the best policy).  A couple days later I found out that my tax return was going to be enough to completely pay off my credit card debt. Should I say that again?  As soon as my Federal check comes through my bank I will be out of credit card debt.  Haha!  I already booked my ticket to Charlotte with much glee and a tad bit of trepidation (this is actually happening!)!!

I’m leaving for Charlotte on May 18th and returning home fairly late at night on June 12th.  I delayed my trip for a couple of weeks because my brother David is graduating from college and there were a few other events that came up that I felt like I needed to be here for.  I am staying with a couple of girls who are attending MorningStar University for the first week, I’m excited to get to know them and jump in on some classes with them!  Then I’m going to the Worship and Warfare Conference woo!  And then I’m not sure what I’ll do yet…which is part of the fun!!  Knowing what a planner I am Jesus likes to take me on adventures where He plans the trip.  I still need quite a bit of money to live on while I’m there and pay my bills while I’m gone but the Lord is providing!!  If you want to partner with me financially in any way for this journey let me know!  I would LOVE to have your prayers while I’m preparing to go, while I’m there, and when I transition back home.  I think that it is going to be an exciting time!!  As far as what I’m looking to get in Charlotte, I think it has to do with creativity, worship, and freedom.  We’ll see what that all looks like as I go!